Picture this: You’re nine months into your divorce, thousands of dollars deep in lawyers’s fees, and knee-deep in court-mandated mediation. You and your spouse are in separate rooms, flanked by a lawyer billing you $300 an hour–each–plus you’re each paying for half of the mediator’s fee. For hours, offers are passed back and forth. Finally—progress! The house, the retirement accounts, even the dog crate—you’ve checked the boxes on the big stuff. A deal is within reach.
And then…
The Tom Clark gnomes blow the whole thing up.
Yep. A vintage Tom Clark gnome nativity set—the kind that probably reminds you of your grandmother’s house—becomes the hill you’re willing to die on. You want it. Your spouse doesn’t care about it, but they know you do, and suddenly the gnome set has been leveraged.
You refuse to back down. Your spouse plays hardball.
Settlement falls apart. And, off to court you go.
Fast forward. You’re in the courtroom, suited up for the showdown. You’re convinced the judge will understand—of course they’ll see how important that set is to you. They’ll make it right.
Spoiler alert: They don’t.
Instead, the judge—who has never met you, never seen your gnome collection, and most certainly does not care—applies the law. They identify the set, classify it as marital, give it a dollar value, and split it in half. Literally.
This happened. I watched it happen.
What’s the takeaway?
When you hand decision-making power over to a judge, you give up control—and often, common sense flies out the window. The court’s job isn’t to understand what matters to you. It’s to apply a rigid process: identify, classify, value, and divide. Judges don’t deal in emotional attachment. They deal in asset spreadsheets.
I believe there’s a better way. Mediation with Together You Part allows you to decide what matters—not a stranger in a robe. Want the gnome set? Great. Let’s talk about it. Together, you can both build an agreement that reflects your values, priorities, and actual life—without leaving it up to someone who doesn’t know (or care) what means something to you.
Bottom Line?
You don’t need to win the gnome battle in court. You need a process that helps you focus on what really matters—and creates space for flexibility and solutions that stick.
