One of the first questions I used to hear in divorce consultations was, “So… who gets the kids?” Sometimes it came out casually, sometimes it was whispered at the end of the meeting—but it always came. And I always hated it.
Because no one “gets” the kids.
Children aren’t assets to be divided. But in traditional divorce court, that’s exactly how they’re treated. The system still uses outdated terms like “custody” and “visitation,” which sets parents up for conflict and turns kids into trophies in a win-lose game. Even the most well-meaning co-parents can find themselves locked in a legal process that raises tensions and drains resources—all under the false promise of a clear-cut outcome.
Here’s the truth the court system doesn’t want you to hear: most “child custody” cases boil down to finger-pointing and frustration. You’ll be asked to list every mistake your co-parent has made, no matter how small, while being told that you probably won’t get to share what really matters. Then, a judge who has never met your child makes a ruling based on limited facts and rigid rules of evidence. The end result? Usually something neither of you wanted, with months of emotional and financial damage in its wake.
When you’re working out a parenting plan during a divorce or separation, the goal isn’t to “win custody”—it’s to build something that actually works for your kids and your new family structure. That starts with cooperation, not court. Mediation offers a better way to figure this out—one where a neutral guide helps you and your co-parent talk through options without the pressure and hostility that comes with litigation.
As you make decisions, think about what your kids need day-to-day—school routines, activities, emotional support, and a sense of stability. But also know that life changes, and your plan will probably need to evolve too. The key is creating a foundation that’s built on respect, flexibility, and real communication. That’s how you move forward—with less stress and more support for the people who matter most.
Mediation gives you and your co-parent the chance to create a parenting agreement that works for your child and your reality—without the courtroom chaos. You get to keep the focus where it belongs: on raising kids, not raising conflict.
At Together You Part, we do it differently. We ditch the court-approved vocabulary and replace it with language that encourages collaboration: parenting time, Parenting Partnership Agreement, decision-making. These small shifts in words lead to big shifts in mindset—and in outcomes.
