When people hear the word alimony, they often picture courtroom drama, whispered affairs, and a judge slamming down a gavel while declaring, “Pay up!” But, let’s pause the legal soap opera for a second. If you’re going through a divorce—or just trying to understand what spousal support–aka “alimony”–really means—here’s the truth: alimony isn’t about who hurt who the most. At least, not entirely.
So What Is Alimony?
Let’s start at the beginning. In North Carolina (and many other states), alimony is financial support paid by one spouse to the other after separation or divorce. It can be paid in a lump sum or in regular installments, for a set time or indefinitely.
Now, before we dive into the role fault plays, we have to answer a more fundamental question:
Who qualifies for alimony?
In legal terms, the person asking for alimony must prove they are a dependent spouse, financially reliant on the other partner. The other spouse must be a supporting spouse, able to contribute financially. If this imbalance exists, then the court may consider ordering alimony.
So far, zero mention of who cheated or who did what. Why? Because unless there’s financial dependence, fault doesn’t even come into play. You could have a laundry list of bad behavior from your spouse, but if you can pay your bills without their help, you’re not getting alimony. Harsh? Maybe. But that’s how the system works.
When Fault Does Matter
Let’s say you are financially dependent. In North Carolina, if your spouse cheated and you didn’t, you are entitled to alimony. See NCGS 16-3A.
But, this doesn’t mean you automatically get more money if your spouse had more affairs or that the judge is going to tally up bad behavior and hand out checks accordingly.
One of my colleagues tells a great story that illustrates this point perfectly. She walked into court ready to prove her client’s spouse had not one, not two, but eight extramarital affairs. She had witness after witness lined up. But halfway through the second witness, the judge stopped the trial and said, “Once a cheater, always a cheater. I don’t need to hear anymore.”
In other words, fault may open the door to alimony, but it doesn’t dictate the amount or terms. Alimony is still, at its core, a financial equation—not a moral scoreboard.
It’s easy to let hurt feelings steer the ship in divorce. And yes, betrayal hurts. But if you let anger and blame guide your decisions, you’ll likely end up more exhausted and more broken than you began.
Bottom Line?
Alimony isn’t about payback—it’s about financial need, financial ability, and building a plan that allows you both to move forward.
