(And Other Things That Sting Post-Split)
Divorce doesn’t just shift your home, your schedule, or your finances—it shifts your friendships, too. Some people show up in ways that surprise and soothe you. Others? They disappear into the tall grass of “I don’t want to take sides.”
Oof. That one stings.
You might hear it in a text. Or a quiet unfollow. Or the awkward silence when you bump into them at the grocery store and realize… you’ve become someone else’s uncomfortable topic.
So what do you say to the ones who back away—or worse, try to stay “neutral” by doing nothing at all?
Here’s something important to remember: Most people aren’t trained for this. They don’t know how to support someone through a separation or divorce, and they’re terrified of doing it wrong. So instead, they say things like “I don’t want to take sides” and think they’re keeping the peace.
But here’s what you can gently say if you want to open the door (and keep your dignity):
“I’m not asking you to choose between us. I’m just hoping we can keep the connection we’ve built.”
That one sentence is warm, clear, and non-confrontational—and it gives your friend a way back in, if they want it.
Friendship Drift Is Real—and It’s Not Always a Bad Thing
Some friendships won’t survive your divorce. That’s not a failure—it’s a natural part of shifting dynamics. People who were in your life because of your relationship might fade away when the relationship ends.
Let them.
And then—stay open. Because for every friend who disappears, there’s someone else who’s ready to lean in. You might be surprised by the people who step up with quiet texts, late-night walks, or a “hey, want to come over for pizza?”
Purposefully Build Your New Circle
This major life transition is the perfect time to take a moment and ask: Who makes me feel seen? Who gives more than they take? Who do I actually want to spend time with?
And here’s the fun part: You get to choose for yourself who you meet, who you like and what you do with your time. Join that book club. Say yes to the coworker who’s always trying to grab coffee. Reconnect with the friend you haven’t seen in a year because “life got busy.” Your new circle doesn’t have to be big—it just has to be yours.
You’re Not the Awkward One
One last thing: You’re not the awkward one here. You’re not the problem. You’re going through a massive life transition with courage and care. The people who can’t hold space for that? They’re telling you something about them, not you.
