When people think about divorce, they often picture a heated courtroom battle over who gets what. But here’s the truth: in nearly two decades as a divorce lawyer, I had two actual trials where the issue was property distribution. That doesn’t mean it was smooth sailing—there were plenty of court appearances and tense back-and-forths. But eventually, these couples found a way to sort it out.
Still, one of the most common roadblocks can be figuring out whether something is “marital” or “separate” property. Sounds simple enough, right? Not quite.
What the Law Says (and Why It’s Confusing)
Most states (North Carolina included) have formal legal definitions:
- Marital Property: All real and personal property that was acquired by either, or both spouses during a marriage, and owned on the date of separation (except for any separate or divisible property).
- Separate Property: Assets or debts owned by one spouse individually, including property acquired before marriage, or during the marriage by gift or inheritance, and debts acquired before marriage.
Sounds cut and dry? Yeah… it’s not.
Forget the legalese for a minute. Here’s how to think about it in real-world terms:
Marital Property includes the house you bought after the wedding, even if only one person’s name is on the title. Same goes for cars, retirement accounts, bank accounts, and furniture—if it was acquired during the marriage, chances are it’s marital.
Separate Property might be the condo your spouse owned before you met, or the inheritance you received from your grandmother (as long as you didn’t co-mingle it in a joint account). Basically, if it was yours before the wedding or given to just you during the marriage, and you kept it separate, it likely stays yours.
Of course, some things are trickier—like what happens if you put your spouse on the title of your pre-marital home, or if you used marital funds to renovate a property you inherited. That’s where it gets murky, and yes, the lawyers love to make it even murkier.
So Where Do You Start?
The best first step? Ask two questions:
- When was the asset acquired?
- Where did the money come from to acquire it?
This framework helps you start sorting things into “mine,” “yours,” and “ours.” But if you’re stuck in a gray area (and trust me, there are plenty), don’t panic.
At Together You Part, I’ve built a process that helps you and your spouse sort through the stuff in a way that makes sense. The TYP Way℠ won’t drown you in legal jargon—your mediator will walk you through the practical decisions that will shape your next chapter..
